The Making of

Two Little Words

By

Lee Relph

Part 2

“Perhaps I should rephrase that.”

Part 1 can be found HERE

(Click on thumbnails for larger images)

It was around 9:15 am that we descended upon Chez Lancaster to shoot the internal scenes since the hallway in my own home is a little…well…little, while the Lancaster’s was just right (according to my location manager Goldilocks). Amazingly Vanessa actually arrived a few moments after Simon, Dad and I got to the Lancaster’s – coming all the way from Canterbury for the shoot! It was also at this point that I learned Vanessa had just got over a flu bug herself, making me feel doubly guilty to have her wander the streets in this unpleasant weather as per the script. But, ever the trooper, Vanessa insisted the show must go on although at this point it hadn’t actually started yet.

Vanessa Chapman poses with the finalists of “Mr OVFM Beefcake 2013″ contest

Having turned the Lancaster’s hallway into a movie set we started shooting and amazingly made good time, finishing up earlier than expected. Despite having to change microphone leads and the camera battery, everything went smoothly, with Vanessa maintaining all of the main performance points and the little touches with each take. It was during the final stages that I received a text that some of the actors who were due to arrive at my house by 12:00pm had arrived nearly forty minutes early – and all the way from Dover! Can’t imagine the look on the neighbours’ faces when the ferry pulled up outside our house! I had to feel a bit sorry for my Mum, who was left all alone with a bunch of strangers, although I had not met them in person either.

Karol Steele finds an ingenious way to secretly get paid for the shoot…

Shortly after our rag tag convoy left Chez Lancaster and headed off to the bijou comfort of my humble abode, where we were to find Dover based actress, writer, model, make-up artist Karol Steele (whom I’d not even meet before yet she played two roles, recruited her son, her dog AND did the make up for the girls!), her son Ben (a young actor in his own right who also had a bad cold) and their dog Ted. Also arrived at the house were the three teenage girls supplied by Sylvia Snipp. Perhaps I should rephrase that. Ella Barclay, Alice Farrell and Megan Snipp are young actresses Sylvia brought to the project along with two lads, Connor Hughes and Callum Murphy to fill some key roles.

Megan, Ella and Alice with their stunt doubles

After a brief break during which we stuffed our faces with food from the lavish spread my mother laid out for us, it was time to commence filming again. This was where the fun began. The first scene involved Rob Bushell stepping out of a bookies but I discovered that the envelope with fake money it in for Rob to brandish had gone missing. Dad ran (not really) back to the house to look for it to no avail, so he made a new one. We eventually found it later on as Karol inadvertently thought it was a part of Ben’s props and stuck it to his clipboard!! Doh!

Simon and Tony perform their “Ministry Of Silly Walks” tribute act

Earlier in the week, Dad and I approached the branch of Coral bookmakers in Carlton Parade for permission to film outside their premises with the use of their front door. While the manageress was very helpful ringing up her superiors for confirmation, we never got a return call from her. Come the shoot we went in and asked again, only to be told she was still waiting for a phone call. The woman from Coral still hadn’t got back to us with permission, so we decided to film it guerilla style and quickly shot the scenes, with Rob just standing at the door rather than coming out of the shop. We had a similar problem with the Co-Op who also never got back to us with permission so again we sneaked our shots in before fleeing!

Vanessa was unimpressed with Simon’s Dalek impression

My house and Carlton Parade are both on the main road so we had to deal with traffic noise and passers by interrupting the shots. The latter wasn’t a problem as most people stepped aside or waited until we finished, except for a group of boys who slowly wandered about along the road and loitered in the background hoping to get into shot (they didn’t!). When filming outside the house however it seems all of the Sun readers driving by weren’t as considerate as the pedestrians, tooting their horns in the hope of ruining a shot. Thankfully they too failed but one has question the mentality of these people who feel the need to be so purposely disruptive.

Annabelle can’t bear to watch poor Ben being assaulted for the twelfth time

By now the temperatures had fallen even further and poor Ben really suffered for his art in his scene. To be fair I told him it was fine to wear his overcoat but he insisted to continue without it, despite his sneezes turning to icicles before they even left his nostrils! Then there was the physical aspect of this scene. Ben joked he would “take one for the team” but with the various retakes and different camera angles he ended up taking TWELVE for the team!

 As everyone knows, especially for a drama production, one can’t give an accurate finishing time for a shoot. I had initially suggested both the Friday and Saturday for the shoot but the various schedules meant just the one day was viable. It what some (everyone?) saw as an act of optimism, I pencilled in a 4:30pm finish. We actually filmed the last shot at 4:35pm! In your face, doubters!! True to my own personal and unintentional tradition however, I did forget to get a couple of important shots but nothing that couldn’t be circumvented in the final edit, while other shots we unfortunately spoiled by intruding microphones. Had we the benefit of two days shooting this could have been rectified but overall I am very happy with the footage I have.

With everyone else busy Reg tells Vanessa about his first camera

I must give my personal and heartfelt thanks to everyone involved. to my parents for their unconditional support and contributions to the proceedings; to ALL the actors (Vanessa, Karol, Ben, Ted, Ella, Alice, Megan, Connor, Callum and Rob) who braved the weather yet still performed amazingly without complaints; to Reg and Annabelle for letting us use their home as a set and for their endurance for the rest of the shoot; and to Simon who was a great cameraman, not only for bringing my vision to life but he understood what I wanted while bringing his own expertise to the project. I finally have a good looking film!

“Last one back to the camera is a big pansy!”

Despite the trials and tribulations that accompanied this shoot it was one hell of an experience for me and I haven’t felt as alive as I did on that day. Well, maybe when I was first born but my memory of that period is a quite vague – I WAS just a baby after all! It was also invaluable learning curve for me, being my third “big” production out of six films and the most important thing I got from this session was exactly why I don’t make more films!!

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed the end result as seen at the last club meeting on April 30^th and if you didn’t then I have Two Little Words for you…..

Thanks for reading.

It’s that time of year which fills some of members with dread and nightmares while others relish the chance to show off their latest masterpiece. I’m talking of course about the annual OVFM Top Ten competition.

Over five rounds to be held periodically over the remainder of the year we shall see the fruits of the labours of our club members and the films they think stand the best chance of receiving the highest praise from their peers en route to be crowned the Top Ten winner at next year’s Oscars.

Unlike other meetings revolving around film screenings, this time the films are under scrutiny of your fellow club members who will score your films on a technical and personal grades so the stakes are high as is the pressure to deliver. But don’t fret, all critiques given are constructive and aimed to help you improve for future reference and for the eventuality your film makes it to the final in January 2014.

The first round takes place this week and the following members have been picked at random to present their films for this session:

Craig Robinson

Jane Oliver

Harold & Maisie Trill

Alan Whippy

Gwen Whippy

Mike & Jo Coad

Derek Allen

Susan Ward

Anna Littler

Ann Perrin

Mike Shaw

Please reply to this post if you will be providing a film at this week’s session, along with the running time, picture ratio (16:9 or 4:3) and media format (DVD, Mini DV, etc). This is a tremendous help in planning out the time allotment of the meeting.

If you don’t then have a film ready please let Brenda Wheatley know so that she can try to find someone else to fill the gap in the evening. If your film is ready early please feel free to bring it along to any Top Ten night and if there is time we will show it.

If you miss your given round you can bring your film along to a later one, but it will only be shown after those drawn for that round, if there is time.

Good luck to everyone who enters a film!

If a job’s worth doing it’s definitely worth doing.

Whoever it was who said that movie making is no walk in the park, no bed of roses, no drive down easy street, and no double cheese burger with extra fries and a side order of onion rings, was one VERY perceptive fella!

John displays unusual fortitude inspite of the artistic agony he’s suffering.

Movie making is hell! It’s a walk on the wild side, it’s a dance with danger, it’s a tango with terror, a waltz with a wilful warthog, a foxtrot with fear, a paso doble two step with a peckish penguin, a gentleman’s excuse me with a….gentleman.

Waldorf salad is a dish best served cold.

Let me tell you movie making will chew you up and spit you out. It’ll mop the floor with you, wring you out in the dirty bucket of disappointment, leave you limp, damp and cold and then grin and do it to you all over again!

Movie making is tough…it’s so tough that on the universal scale of toughness it’s literally off the scale. It’s so tough that if you look up TOUGH in the dictionary it just says ‘Try making a movie buster!’

Now I’m not saying that the committed band of OVFM coaching evening stalwarts who gathered on Tuesday evening were making a movie…no I’m not saying that!

And I’m not saying that they weren’t!

Brenda seeks solace in drink.

What I am saying is movie making is difficult. It’s like juggling two eggs, doing up your shoelaces, constructing a flat pack wardrobe…and sending a text message…when you’re over forty!

But the OVFM coaching evening stalwarts laugh in the face of difficulty and decided they would make a movie (or a ‘film’ as we in the know say) anyway.

Masking her inner torment Barbara puts a brave face on it.

So with scripts in hand, props to the fore, best learning brains in gear and a whole heap of equipment that I couldn’t begin to describe (or understand!) we set about making the best darn movie OVFM has ever seen (made on a Tuesday this week, between the hours of 6.30 and 10pm, about letters….guaranteed. PS This is not a guarantee!)

Lee takes a moment to enjoy a little chuckle.

I could tell you how we did it…but I wont. You should have been there. The heat of the lights, the roar of the crowds (or was that my stomach rumbling?), the romance, the drama, the highs, the lows. But we got through, we manned up, we soldiered on, we whistled while we worked, we tip-toed through the tulips, we rolled out the barrel and we got to it and made our bally movie.

There’s no eye in team.

 And if you want to see this triumph over adversity, this diamond plucked from the mud, this snook cocked at failure, then come soon to a picture house near you where you will gasp, cry, laugh and possibly even be entertained (terms and conditions apply) and all will be revealed. You’ll believe a man can fly, or failing that you WILL see yours trully in a cameo role that’ll take your breath away. Acting? Make your own mind up. Wonder, amazement, expectation or simply gormless? You decide; )

Cracking under the stress of being clapper boy Chris resorts to personal insult.

In the pressure cooker atmosphere of the film set Roger and Basil trade abuse.

OVFM PROJECT EVENING:

TWO WORDS

For this week’s club meeting  we look forward to seeing the results of your hard labour in creating a film that fits the theme of “Two Words” as suggest by moi. If you should still need a reminder after the three months of heavy promotion of what this entails the details can be found HERE But I am sure that is not the case and you’ve all been beavering away to create something rather wonderful to share with us all, just as I have, which I am sure you are all aware of anyway.

As always we ask that those you who will be submitting a film to please reply to this post below saying as much so we have a rough idea of how the time allotment for this session will play out.

Also could you please include the following information with your submission:

Film Title

Your Name

Running Time

Aspect Ratio (4:3 or 16:9)

This simple act of cooperation makes all the difference  for our archivists and programme compilers and is greatly appreciated.

Thank you very much and see you on Tuesday!

OVFM has a new chairman and new look committee!

As you all should be aware by now, Cap’n Chris Coulson stepped down as Chairman of OVFM after three years in the position and ten years on the committee. Thus the AGM held on Tuesday April 16^th 2013 was a pivotal one for the club as we saw the committee – aka the Legion Of Doom – receive its biggest shake up in quite some time.

Over the past few years the line-up of the committee has remained largely unchanged but with the sad passing of Vice-Chairman Mike Turner in September 2012, necessity brought about this first stage of change followed by Chris’s decision to stand down. As per the protocol of the election, every member of the committee, from top to bottom, was obliged to vacate their positions until the votes had been counted so no-one was guaranteed their seat until the votes were counted. With two nominees for the vacant key seats already accepted by incumbent committee members, a position was now available for ordinary member leaving the field open for anyone to put themselves forward for nomination.

With the winds of change now sweeping through the club the votes were counted and the new committee announced. Going forward, here are the people who make up the new OVFM committee:

Chairman – Simon Earwicker

Vice Chairman – Sam Brown

Treasurer – David Laker

Secretary – Freddy Beard

Competitions Officer – Brenda Wheatley

Press Officer – Annabelle Lancaster *

Ordinary Members:

Reg Lancaster

Ian Menage

Lee Relph

Andy Watson

* Annabelle has agreed to remain as press officer but only for a short time until a replacement can be found either within the current committee or if someone else should wish to take on the role.

Our congratulations go to Simon “Snapper” Earwicker as he becomes the latest person to steer the good ship OVFM onwards and upwards through whatever choppy seas await us. I’m sure he’ll do a good job in following in the rather large footsteps Chris has left behind and of course we offer our thanks to Chris for his leadership and contribution as chairman over the past three years.

Please give Simon and the committee your full support and remember, they are there to make sure the club continues to remain a successful and active concern for all of us. If you have any queries, ideas, suggestions or concerns about the club feel free to let any of the above know so they can raise it on your behalf at the committee meetings.

Thanks for reading.

The Making of

Two Little Words

By

Lee Relph

Part 1

“Then the e-mails started coming in”

(Click on thumbnails for larger images)

Cassius Clay is now known as Muhammad Ali. Ceylon is now known as Sri Lanka. Marathon chocolate bars are now known as Snickers. For a small group of brave (or foolhardy, take your pick) members from OVFM Good Friday is now known as Freezing Friday!

On March 29^th 2013 when most people were safely tucked up in doors in the warmth, lasciviously eyeing the Easter eggs they were told not to open until Sunday, the intrepid quartet of Reg “Bomber” Lancaster, Lady Annabelle, Simon “Snapper” Earwicker and yours truly, along with my loyal chauffeur and father Tony, tackled the chilling winds and inclement temperatures head on in the name of film making. The production in question was my film Two Little Words, my entry into the Two Words project, the results of which will screen to the rest of the club at the meeting on April 30^th.

Yup, Lee was back in town to make another film…

Naturally, I hadn’t intended on shooting on such a cold day but when I began to set the wheel in motion for this project the settlement on the date for everyone involved was paramount and the only date upon which we were ALL agreed was Good Friday. There is also the small matter of not being in a position to have any control over the weather; if I had that there wouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately for me and the shoot, 2013 was proving to be a VERY unpredictable year weather wise, with two bouts of snow already under our belts and the pre-Spring tease of lighter skies and less chilly temperatures that usually peeps it head out from behind the frosty clouds in early March was presumably staying in bed to keep warm.

When the temperatures remained low and the snow was refusing to let up with the threat of more coming to Orpington on Friday, I was rather apprehensive that things wouldn’t work out for the shoot. Thankfully everyone agreed that the weather be damned and the shoot should go ahead. This warmed my heart tremendously.

The brave (and very cold) cast & crew of “Two Little Words”

However twenty four hours before the shoot, not only did it start snowing again but I still didn’t have a key prop, a rosette for one character. Now, I had the chance to buy a set of rosettes from E-bay the week before but I believed everyone when they told me I could get one in a number of shops. Was this true? Was it hell! Not ONE single shop I tried had them! Really! Card shops, hobby shops, joke shops, costume shops, trophy makers, even a saddlery didn’t have one. In the end I found some “Small cheap “Birthday boy” ones which had to be sewn together and patched up to become more akin to what I needed. Thankfully it came out all right.

Then the e-mails started coming in.

Urge to kill…rising….

The partner of my leading lady, the talented writer and actress Vanessa Chapman, was due to take one of the roles but when their son became ill, he opted to stay home and look after him, leaving me an actor down. Thankfully Vanessa offered to fix this by asking someone she knew who was going to be in Orpington for a while and agreed to help out, Rob Bushell, son of legendary TV critique Gary Bushell who was a fixture on Saturday night TV back in the 80’s. However he was out driving and we had to wait for a reply. This was about 22:30pm!! Then there was some confusion about the directions to my house when one person got the house number wrong! Then one person asked if they could be gone by four as they had an engagement in Whistable at 7:00pm! Now she tells me! Finally, being so engrossed in getting the actors, I forgot to acquire my crew and at this late stage I was unable to secure any further help. As it turned out, we managed with the four of us.

Even Simon couldn’t muster his usual enthusiasm…

I knew something like this would happen but I didn’t expect it all happen with the space of the same half hour. I seriously expected to look out the window and see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse hovering outside with Pestilence saying, with a gleeful twinkle in his eye “See you in the morning!”

With no edition of Question Time on TV it was my nerves that kept me awake this particular Thursday night rather than my usual residual anger at the sanctimonious, ignorant bile spewed forth on said panel debate show. With the temperature having taken a noticeable drop I feared this would be prescient to more snow overnight. No matter how often I turned my body in my bed, I could not find a comfortable enough spot or position that would tempt my cognisant senses that shutting down for a few hours would be not just a great idea but a prudent one. During this restless period my mind was buzzing with a paranoia I’m sure many a filmmaker has experienced the night before a shoot. Will the weather hold up? Will the cast show up? With they be good? Will they be lousy? What if we overrun so badly that we end up rushing crucial scenes or forget and fall short on others? What if the camera breaks down? What if the outdoor filming is hampered due to people trying to ruin the shots? What if a giant atomic fish headed chicken bodied hybrid beast that can shoot lasers from its eyes and lay toxic egg bombs were to rise from the ground and eviscerate Orpington to the point that it is completely uninhabitable? You can laugh but cameras do break you know!

Remember, it’s not stalking if you film it…

Eventually I must of have dropped off (I don’t remember, I was asleep) because I woke up fresh and early (well, early). I was chuffed to mint balls to pull back my curtains to see that the God had not spilled any more of his Columbian nose powder across the garden and that the faint glimmer of light was present in the sky. It actually gave me a sliver of hope that we may have a successful day after all, but I am a pessimist by nature thus I’m not in the nature of hatching any chickens before the I’s have been crossed and Peter has been robbed so the pounds can look after their oysters.

So how would the actual shoot go down? Find in Part Two coming soon.

Remind me to have a word with my agent…

This week is the one time we get serious here at OVFM as we hold our annual AGM.

 This is the even where the club members elected to fulfil the major positions of the club’s committee (aka the Legion of Doom) sit before us and conduct the session in which YOU are given the opportunity to make your voice heard.

 To download the agenda in full for the meeting please click HERE.

 The most important matter to be addressed this year is the election of the committee members which has been discussed at great length HERE. As you already know our incumbent Chairman Cap’n Chris Coulson is stepping down from this position after three years thus we will be electing in a new chairman. Our current vice chairman Simon “Snapper” Earwicker has agreed to put himself up for election for this spot while ordinary member Sam Brown is willing to fill the Vice Chairman spot.

This leaves us with a number of vacant ordinary member positions to be filled so club members who wish to have a greater say in how the club is run could get their chance – if the votes swing their way. Remember this is a democratic process so NONE of the current committee members are guaranteed to resume their places until the votes are counted; we could end up with a completely new look committee once the night is over.

This is an important and pivotal night for OVFM so your presence in very much requested this Tuesday evening and your input and opinions are equally as vital. See you then.

]]> http://www.ovfm.org/2013/04/ovfm-club-meeting-tuesday-april-16th-2013-the-agm/feed/ 0 http://www.ovfm.org/2013/03/ovfm-club-meeting-tuesday-april-2nd-2013/ http://www.ovfm.org/2013/03/ovfm-club-meeting-tuesday-april-2nd-2013/#comments Tue, 26 Mar 2013 19:20:05 +0000 Lee Relph http://www.ovfm.org/?p=3562

Filmmaking is not as easy as it seems as I am sure we have all found out. It’s one of those areas where one never stops learning no mater how long they have been involved in it or how much they think they know. This is something that is recognised here at OVFM hence our annual Q&A Masterclass.

For our next club meeting a panel of experts – including such knowledgeable luminaries as Cap’n Chris Coulson”, Reg “Bomber” Lancaster and Mike “I Was Clement Freud’s Double” Shaw – will be on hand to share their years of expertise and experience top answer any questions you may have that is troubling you with regard to filmmaking. Shutter speed, exposure, aperture, sound levels, HD vs SD, key framing – whatever it is you can rest assured our panel will do their very best to provide an answer for you or they will publicly sing the greatest hits of Celine Dion on the roof of St Augustine’s while dressed in tutus!!

So, if you desperately need some advice or are just genuinely curious about something that this is your opportunity to put that right. And don’t be shy in asking something that may sound simple – we all have to start somewhere and chances are you’ll be doing someone else a favour too by asking!

Hope to see you all on Tuesday night and on behalf of the panel – bring it on!!

THE OVFM COMMITTEE

Every ship needs an engine to help drive it forward and for OVFM that would be the Committee – a select few who work diligently all year round to ensure the club has a purpose, a direction, and takes care of the administrative matters that keep OVFM alive. The Committee is also there to address any concerns members may have, be they personal matters or relating to the club itself.

Every club member no doubt has an opinion or idea as to how we could improve the club’s running, its fortunes, or has suggestions for projects, promotional ideas or other club related activities. The AGM is one way for people to put their ideas and opinions forward or, of course, committee members are always wiling to listen and put these proposals to the other committee members during the bi-monthly meetings for discussion.

Earlier the Committee was referred to as “a select few” but this seems to have caused some confusion for some members about how exactly the Committee is “selected”. Like all great organisations in the free world, OVFM is as much a democracy as anyone else, thus the Committee are voted in exactly as one would a Government or Board of Directors. This takes place at every AGM, although some intermediary appointments have been made for various reasons (most recently being the sad passing of our Vice Chairman) but to be considered a member of the Committee one has to stand up and be counted.

Every year prior to the AGM a form is made available to club members – either with the Viewfinder or (from now on) here on the website – with which the Committee members are voted in by YOU. ALL incumbent members are asked if they are willing to stand for re-election leaving every seat and position open – from chairman to treasurer to ordinary member – until the nominations and votes have been received. It seems over the past few years that the lack of response from OVFM club members has meant the Committee has remained largely the same. With nobody new standing for election the same committee members have automatically remained in place. This has caused some feeling among club members that the Committee is an autonomous collective who decide to retain their own positions on an annual basis.

Therefore this year’s AGM on April 16^th will hopefully assuage those concerns and lay them to rest once and for all as two members of the current Committee are standing down from their positions with one not seeking re-election for their position. So, if you want to make a difference to OVFM and have ideas or concerns you want to raise, then now is the chance to make yourself known and join the Committee!

Simply download the form from the Viewfinder or from HERE then find another club member to nominate you and get that nomination seconded by someone else. Submit your form in by the next club meeting on April 2^nd ahead of the AGM on the 16^th where the final results will be revealed.

For the record the current Committee members who ARE standing for re-election are:

Simon Earwicker – Current Vice-Chairman standing for Chairman

Sam Brown – Current Ordinary Member standing for Vice Chairman

Annabelle Lancaster – Current Press Officer but standing as Ordinary Member *

Freddy Beard – Secretary

David Laker – Treasurer

Brenda Wheatley – Competitions Organiser

Reg Lancaster – Ordinary Member

Andy Watson – Ordinary Member

Lee Relph – Ordinary Member

Standing down and thus NOT seeking re-election is:

Chris Coulson – Current Chairman

* As noted above Annabelle Lancaster is standing down as Press Officer only

As you can see it is important that this year we do see a concerted interest from club members to step up and be counted, now that two vital roles are vacant. While we have a nominee for Chairman we will be needing a new Press Officer.

Remember the Committee is not a self serving entity but a group of people striving to make OVFM a continued success for ALL of its members, which relies on a self-perpetuating source of energy to allow that to happen. So if YOU want to make a difference to the club then find someone to nominate you and have that seconded, or nominate and second someone else. It all helps.

If you have any queries or comments please reply to this post below and we’ll do our best to respond to them for you.

On behalf of the Committee, thanks for reading and for your continued support of OVFM

Nobody actually wants to be left alone on a desert island do they? Well, the way the government are going it might be a more preferable option….but I digress. In most cases people find themselves in this situation by accident but if this should happen, we would hope to have some kind of useful object or creature comfort with us to make the time a bit more sufferable. Which brings us to this week’s club meeting.

In absolutely no way at all ripped off from the legendary long running radio show Desert Island Discs (just in case the estate of Roy Plumley is reading) OVFM presents Desert Island Films!! In this session, our victim is the irredeemable Cherie Hamlet-Smith who will be sharing with us eight films that mean the most to her or reflect important moments in her short but illustrious life that would be the ones she would most want to have with her, should she be stuck on a desert island. Geddit?

So, what films mean the most to Cherie that she’d have rather have on a desert island instead of her husband Alan? Come to the meeting on Tuesday night and find out!!